Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Smart Money Picks, the Most Wonderful Time of the Year Edition

The Professor is busy this Christmas season, buying gifts for all his contacts within the college football world, so no long breakdowns for all the bowl games. I mean, from Hayden Fry to Judd Heathcote to Gerry Dinardo to Ron Mexico, The Professor has a lot of shopping to do. Plus, do you have any idea how difficult it is to shop for that thing on Frank Beamer's neck?

So, without further ado, it's The Professor's Smart Money Picks, the most wonderful time of the year edition, brought to you by the city of Chanhassen.


Fresno State -10.5 Wyoming (NEW MEXICO)
Let's get the bowl season off with a bang. You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's part 1 of 2 The Professor's Statistically-Proven Locks of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

Rutgers -2.5 UCF (ST. PETERSBURG)
My heart says Rutgers, but The Professor wouldn't be The Professor if he picked with his heart.

Southern Miss -3.5 Middle Tennessee (NEW ORLEANS)
Seems every year Southern Mississippi puts on a show in their bowl.

Oregon State -2.5 BYU (LAS VEGAS)
OSU's Mike Riley is 5-0 in bowl games. Done.

Cal -3.5 Utah (POINSETTIA)
When you lose to Washington and end up here, you don't have much to play for. Go Utes.

Nevada -15 SMU (HAWAII)
The June Jones Homecoming Tour won't result in an SMU win, but a cover.

Ohio -2.5 Marshall (LITTLE CAESARS)
The Bobcats won nine games, Marshall won six. That's my rationale here.

Pitt -3 North Carolina (CAR CARE)
The 'stache was a measly one point away from a BCS game. Tarheels, beware the 'stache.

USC -9.5 Boston College (EMERALD)
That's a lot of points for a bowl game, but BC disappoints annually in their bowls.

Clemson -7.5 Kentucky (MUSIC CITY)
That's just way too many points for a team as inconsistent as Clemson.

Georgia -7 Texas A&M (INDEPENDENCE)
Stay far away from this game. This has shootout written all over it.

UCLA -3.5 Temple (EAGLE BANK)
Thanks for playing, Temple. Here's your complimentary Eagle Bank savings account.

Miami -3 Wisconsin (CHAMPS)
Love the feel-good pick of the Fighting Steve Stellars over the Loathsome C-Noth's.

Bowling Green -1.5 Idaho (HUMANITARIAN)
I've got nothing here.

Arizona -2 Nebraska (HOLIDAY)
Limit turnovers, Cats, and this one is yours for the taking.

Houston -4 Air Force (ARMED FORCES)
It would border on sacrilege to pick a non-armed forces team in the Armed Forces Bowl.

Oklahoma -8 Stanford (SUN)
I've had terrible luck picking against the Sooners this season, but I just think Stanford has enough to keep this one close.

Missouri -6.5 Navy (TEXAS)
If you haven't figured it out yet, The Professor always picks the service academy.

Minnesota -2.5 Iowa State (INSIGHT)
I'm only picking The Professor's Father's squad in the hopes that a Cyclone win will spell the end of Brewster's tenure in Minny. Sadly, I think he'll get an extension before he finds a way to be out-coached by whomever it is that is leading ISU these days.

Virginia Tech -4.5 Tennessee (CHIC-FIL-A)
That thing on Frank Beamer's neck trumps Lane Kiffin's hot wife.

Auburn -7.5 Northwestern (OUTBACK)
Can't believe I'm making this pick, but the Cats are just plucky enough to stay within 7.

Penn State -2.5 LSU (CAPITAL ONE)
Comment withheld in deference to the Cornerman.

West Virginia -2.5 Florida State (GATOR)
I don't care that this is Bowden's last game. He won't know where he is anyway and WVU is miles better than FSU.

Oregon -3.5 Ohio State (ROSE)
The Buckeyes' woes in BCS games continues. For shame, Tressel, for shame.

Florida -10.5 Cincinnati (SUGAR)
That's an awful lot of points to give a Bearcat team in full "F You" mode, but it's still Cincinnati against The Almighty Tim Tebow.

South Florida -6.5 Northern Illinois (INTERNATIONAL)
This was my second lock of the week, until I looked a few games down at the Suspended Spartans vs. the high-flying Red Raiders.

South Carolina -4.5 UConn (PAPA JOHNS)
Mmmmm, pizza.

Ole Miss -3 Oklahoma State (COTTON)
I'm done with you, Oklahoma State.

Arkansas -7.5 East Carolina (LIBERTY)
Woooooo! Pig! Sooie!

Texas Tech -8 Michigan State (ALAMO)
You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's part 2 of 2 The Professor's Statistically-Proven Locks of the Week, brought to you by National American University! My thanks to the multitude of suspended Spartans for handing this one to me on a silver platter.

TCU -7 Boise State (FIESTA)
I really like the Horned Frogs, but this one has all the makings of a classic, back and forth game between a pair of teams looking to prove a point to the nation.

Georgia Tech -4 Iowa (ORANGE)
I've been riding the Ramblin' Wreck bandwagon all year and I'm not stopping now.

Central Michigan -3.5 Troy (GMAC)
If a bowl is played in the midst of all the BCS bowls and no one watches, does it actually happen?

Alabama -5 Texas (BCS NATIONAL CHAMP)
When the second-best team in the state of Texas is playing in the national championship game, you don't pick said team to stay within 5 of ROLL TIDE TURKEY!

The Professor's Smart Money Picks, the most wonderful time of the year edition, brought to you by the city of Chanhassen.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah (that's for you, Stellar) and a Joyous Festivus to all of those involved with Pick 'Em Corner.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 12 Smart Money Pick

Wow, the Big Ten season ends and so does The Professor's success in picking games. Coincidence? I think not. At least the betting public can rely on The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University (now 9-2).

This is a big week for The Professor. Anyone who knows anything about The Professor knows he loves the service academies. And thanks to The Host, that love gets to be displayed each week on Pick 'Em Corner with The Professor’s Service Academy Game of the Week, presented by Armed Forces Network.

Some might think The Professor would have a hard time picking this game. I mean, each week The Professor steadfastly picks the service academy squad, no matter the matchup or spread. So, how will The Professor be able to choose between a pair of service academies? Easy, that's how. The Professor loves the nation's service academies, but he loves one much more than the rest.

No institution in the country can match the history and tradition of this service academy. It's alumni include Ulysses S. Grant, Dwight Eisenhower, Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, Douglas MacArthur, George Patton, Buzz Aldrin and Norman Schwartzkopf. That's a badass list of grauates, if you ask me.

Its football program has won three national championships and has had three Heisman Trophy winners and 37 consensus All-Americans. Meanwhile, the other two service academies, combined, have one national championship, zero Heisman Trophy winners and 28 consensus All-Americans.

This pick is an easy one. GO ARMY, BEAT NAVY.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 11 Smart Money Picks

The Professor should know better than to trust anyone else with his Smart Money Picks, especially in a week all but devoid games involving the Big Ten. Instead, The Professor decided to give thanks to his loyal assistant, The TA, by giving said assistant some input into last week's picks. A 7-13 record ensued. The TA has been summarily dismissed.

This week, it's nothing but The Professor, for bettor (pun intended) or for worse. So sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

OREGON -9.5 Oregon State
Now I know Oregon State has been a pleasant surprise and, like you, I'm just glad we won't have to see USC in the Rose Bowl again this season. But need I remind you what the Quack Attack did to the hated Beavers last season? A 65-38 drubbing, that's what. Various experts around the country are calling for a Beaver upset (insert Tiger Woods joke here), indicating that the OSU defense should be able slow down the potent Oregon offense. I, for one, ain't buying the hype. The Ducks will score points in bunches and the Beaver offense just isn't explosive enough to keep up.

CENTRAL MICH. -10.5 Ohio (MAC CHAMPIONSHIP)
The Professor knows absolutely nothing about Ohio aside from their respected sports management school and their shocking 2000 win over the Goof Troop. Do the Bobcats still run the quirky offense that befuddled Glen Mason and Friends at the Metrodome? Anyone? It really doesn't matter. The Chippewas (that's not hostile nor abusive, per the NCAA) have Dan LeFevour and an offense that has scored 30 or more points seven times this season. Quirky Bobcat offense or not, LeFevour and Co. will rack up the points all day long.

Houston -1 EAST CAROLINA (CUSA CHAMP)
I know, I know. Defense wins championships. From what I hear, East Carolina is the defensive team, while Houston is the offensive team. So, go with the old mantra of defense over offense, right? Wrong. I'd pick the Pirates if their defense was really as strong as all the experts say, but one look at the numbers says otherwise. Houston has the top-ranked offense in all the land. ECU has the 68th-ranked defense. Houston has the top-ranked scoring offense in all the land. ECU has the 31st-ranked scoring defense. Houston has the top-ranked passing offense in all the land. ECU has the 86th-ranked passing defense. Am I missing something here? No, I'm not.

West Virginia -2.5 RUTGERS
The Professor hasn't been high on West Virginia this season, but the past two weeks have changed my mind. The Mountaineers made Cincy nervous two weeks ago, followed by a 19-16 upset of Pitt last week. Rutgers, meanwhile, got trounced by Syracuse two weeks ago. What more needs to be said?

PITT Pick Em Cincinnati
I've been on the Cincinnati bandwagon all season long and I'm not about to jump off now. Rumors persist that Brian Kelly will be the next Notre Dame coach, but methinks that decision has yet to be made. The Brian Kelly Big-Time Coaching Gig Audition hits Pittsburgh this week and it won't be pretty for the 'stache. In fact, do you hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

ILLINOIS -1 Fresno State
The Ron Zook Postulate rears its ugly head one more time this season.

BOISE STATE -47.5 New Mexico State
The Professor got beat by another big spread last week after picking TCU to cover the 43.5 over New Mexico. Will he make the same mistake again this week? Probably.

USC -7 Arizona
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, Part I

Florida -4.5 Alabama (SEC CHAMP - NEUTRAL SITE GAME)
The Professor could give a lengthy lecture about the most anticipated game of the season, but instead he'll join the hordes of media who have endlessly tongue bathed Tim Tebow over the years. Tebow is the X factor here and, for me, Bama was less than impressive last week in the Iron Bowl.

California -6.5 WASHINGTON
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, Part II

CONNECTICUT -7 South Florida
This game should otherwise be known as the Cornerman's Home State University vs. Steve Stellar's Childhood Vacation Destination University Bowl. I'll take the Cornerman's squad for reasons unbeknownst to me.

Texas -14 Nebraska (BIG 12 CHAMP-NEUTRAL SITE GAME)
I don't care how good Nebraska's defense is alleged to be. They play in the Big 12 North - more or less the equivalent of the mediocre portion of the Big Ten (I'm looking at you, Minnesota and your bottom-half bretheren). Plus, the Huskers lost 31-10 to Texas Tech. That same Tech team lost 34-24 to Texas. Hook 'em Horns.

Georgia Tech -1 Clemson (ACC CHAMP - NEUTRAL SITE GAME)
Talk about an anti-climactic conference title game. Both of these squads were embarrassed last week. Looking ahead to this game or not, Clemson looked much worse against South Carolina than Georgia Tech did against Georgia (even if that game was at home). Plus, The Host loves singing that Ramblin' Wreck song.

Wisconsin -11.5 HAWAII
The Professor loves wrapping up the week with a feel good pick.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 10 Smart Money Picks

What does it say about the Pick 'Em Corner panelists when, at the top of the current Pick 'Em Corner standings stand a pair of hockey guys in The Professor and Strickly Cash, followed closely by The Host, a noted degenerate gambler? What it says is that while The Professor, Strickly Cash and The Host are making money for their constituents hand over fist, the remaining Pick 'Em Corner panelists are frauds...and the Minnesota-centric Pick 'Em Corner knows its frauds (from Tim Brewster as football coach, to Joel Maturi as AD, to a pair of Pick 'Em Corner panelists as SIDs, Minnesota is Fraud U).

Now that I've set up the bulk of Pick 'Em Corner for a heavy dose of schadenfreude (look it up), it's time for Rivalry Week. The Professor is admittedly nervous as the Big Ten has decided to close up shop for the holiday season (save a couple of season-ending non-conference tilts). The Big Ten is obviously The Professor's forté, so much so that The Professor was just honored with the mythical 2009 Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Game Prognosticator of the Year Award.

With no real Big Ten games on the docket, however, The Professor's confidence is waning. But fear not Pupils. If nothing else, you can always bet your current or future childrens' college tuition on The Professor's Lock of the Week (now 9-1).

The Professor's lecture is getting long, so without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and give thanks for The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

Texas -21 TEXAS A&M
I have absolutely no faith that the Aggies will pull off the upset in this one, but this Texas A&M offense is dangerous enough to keep things close for a while in this one. Of course, the Aggie offense is just as capable of crapping the proverbial bed, so beware laying lots of cash on this one.

CINCINNATI -20 Illinois
The Ron Zook Postulate makes this an easy pick for The Professor, but does anybody really think Illinois is going to derail Cincinnati's BCS bowl bid? Of course not, and neither does the Illini. In a strange bit of double-booking, the Ron Zook Farewell Tour (wishful thinking, I know) and the Brian Kelly Big-Time Coaching Gig Audtion hits Cincy in the same game. Two for the price of one. What a deal. Wow, Brian Kelly would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Alabama -10 AUBURN
Not sure when I'm going to learn my lesson, but once again last week, I bet against Bama and lost...big. Never again, I say. I know Gene Chizik has done a fine job at Auburn, but c'mon, the guy was at Iowa State last year. You don't go from Ames to the Iron Bowl and expect to stay within 10 of a national championship favorite. Plus, it's Thanksgiving weekend, so how can anyone resist saying The Host's favorite phrase...ROLL! TIDE TURKEY!

Nebraska -10 COLORADO
This game means absolutely nothing for the Huskers aside from getting ready for Texas in the Big XII title game. It means a bit more for 3-8 Colorado, but the Buffs are too bad to overcome the Black Shirt Defense.

Pittsburgh -1.5 WEST VIRGINIA
A nice 'stache beats a nice coach by two points or more every time.

BOISE STATE -13 Nevada
The over-under for this game is 70. I'd take the over, but if you can figure out how this game will shake out, be my guest. In the end, Smurf Turf coupled with BCS bowl hopes gives BSU the nod here. Wow, Chris Peterson would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Clemson -3 SOUTH CAROLINA
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, Part I.

Mississippi -7.5 MISSISSIPPI STATE
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, Part II.

OKLAHOMA -10 Oklahoma State
You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! No analysis needed here. If The Professor's record in locks of the week isn't enough, then you must not like money.

TCU -43.5 New Mexico
I got scared off by a pair of huge spreads last week and lost...big. Not again, especially with a TCU team hoping to impress the voters and computers. Wow, Gary Patterson would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Virginia Tech -13.5 VIRGINIA
The Al Groh Theorem makes this an easy pick for The Professor.

FLORIDA -24.5 Florida State
I doubted you last week, Urban, Tim, et al, and for that I sincerely and deeply apologize. Not this week. Plus, Bobby Bowden isn't quite sure what year it is anymore, so he's obviously not going to know what to do in this rivalry game.

Arizona -3 ARIZONA STATE
Maybe there's a correlation about teams that wear maroon and gold and bad offenses because the Devils move the ball about as well as Brewster's Boys...and that's saying something in the offense-happy Pac-10.

BYU -7.5 Utah
A Mormon-led squad won't be hung over from Thanksgiving like a non-Mormon-led squad will.

WASHINGTON -25 Washington State
The Never, Ever Take Washington State Law makes this an easy pick for The Professor.

LSU -3.5 Arkansas
I'm tired of picking LSU and losing. That's the only reason to go with WOO, PIG SOOEY.

STANFORD -8.5 Notre Dame
The Charlie Weis Farewell Tour hits Palo Alto and the Fat Man isn't allowed to stay out west and recruit after the game. Writing on the wall, anyone? Anyway, there are wayyy too many distractions to expect the Golden Domers to stay within 10.

GEORGIA TECH -7.5 Georgia
I absolutely love picking the Ramblin' Wreck each week, even if early in their games, they make me nervous with their slow-starting ways. Plus, Georgia is still reeling from the death of Uga VII, so take the Jackets in this one.

USC -13 ucla
USC can't lose a third embarrasing game in a month, can they? No, they can't.

Navy -9.5 HAWAII
Anchors aweigh, my boys, anchors aweigh! Wow, Ken Niumatalolo would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Happy Thanksgiving, Pick 'Em Corner Prognosticators, The Professor's Pupils and devoted Pick 'Em Corner viewers.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 9 Smart Money Picks

The Professor would like to apologize to Pick 'Em Corner panelists and fans - and especially The Professor's Pupils - for the absence of his full analyses in the last few weeks. The Professor just doesn't have the time to speak with his multitude of contacts within the college football world. Why? Well, The Professor is wanted. The Professor is needed. With the success of the Smart Money Picks again this season, The Professor has been in great demand on the lecture circuit, especially in the quaint towns of Atlantic City, Reno and Las Vegas.

Given the current economic climate, who can blame the betting public on pinning their hopes on a proven gambling expert like The Professor. Sure, some bettors have probably been swayed by Stickly Cash's gaudy overall record, but what does anybody outside of Combined Locks, Wis., really know about this Pick 'Em Corner rookie? It is for that reason that The Professor would like to invite all of this week's Pick 'Em Corner viewers to attend a free lecture by The Professor tonight at Jackpot Junction in Morton, Minn.

Can't make it? Well, you're in luck, for these are The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Ohio State -12 MICHIGAN
It's Hate Week and The Professor is going to pick the team he hates less in this one. OSU arrogance is bad, but the Michigan arrogance coupled with a jackass for a coach and an overall annoying athletic program is enough for me.

IOWA -9.5 Minnesota
Last week, The Professor got behind the Brew Crew in the interests of unintentional comedy. Then, The Professor attended that horrendous game at TCF Bank Stadium. It is painfully obvious to me now that the Gopher football program has turned from persistently mediocre with a couple of big wins under Glen Mason, to two and a half seasons of top-notch unintentional comedy under Timmy B, to the complete and total farce that passes as Brewster's program today. I don't care if Ferentz trots out The Host's mom to play QB this weekend, the Hawkeyes will roll. In fact...you hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

MIAMI (FL) -19.5 Duke
Last week, The Professor said, "Any time at Pick 'Em Corner that you have a chance to take Steve Stellar's favorite club (sorry, Towson), you do it." I'm ignoring that advice this week and I don't know why. How's that for instilling confidence in the betting public?

ALABAMA -37.5 UT-Chatanooga
The Professor hates big spreads. The Tide will roll is this one, but the Mocs aren't the pushover that they seem. Look at this game as Bama's chance to get Ingram some early yards for his Heisman hopes, but will sit the back in the second half with the game in hand. When that happend, the Mocs will score just enough points to cover.

FLORIDA -44.5 Florida International
Kudos to Alabama and Florida for scheduling these quality opponents this late in the season. Sheesh. I'm not taking the Gators, partly for that reason, partly for the large spread and partly because they don't score.

Oklahoma -6.5 TEXAS TECH
Oklahoma is 1-4 this season outside the state of Oklahoma and they're a 6.5 point favorite in this tilt. Something doesn't add up. Take the Raiders.

tcu -31.5 WYOMING
As mentioned above, The Professor hates big spreads. But this game is a different story from the Alabama and Florida games. While the Tide and Gators are just biding their time until they meet in the SEC title game, TCU must do anything and everything it can to be a BCS Bowl team. That means blowing out the lowly Cowboys.

NOTRE DAME -6 uconn
The Professor has picked the Irish twice this season. What happened both of those times? He lost. Lesson learned.

BYU -10.5 air force
Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!

Penn State -3.5 MICHIGAN STATE
This one is a conundrum for The Professor. I'm 4-2 when picking MSU and 2-0 when picking Sparty's opponent. On the other hand, I'm 3-2 when picking PSU and 1-2 when picking the Nittany Keiser's opponent. That small difference is just enough to make me go with Cornerman's Crew in this one.

Wisconsin -7 NORTHWESTERN
Damn this one hurts to pick, but seven points is just too few for me to go with my heart and take the Wildcats. You bump that spread up to 14 or so, and I'll gladly switch my pick to NU. If I was allowed a second lock, this would be it. Wow, Iowa and Wisconsin as my locks. I'm so ashamed of myself.

Purdue -3.5 INDIANA
The Professor is 5-2 this season when picking the Hoosiers and 1-2-1 when picking the Boilers. Need I explain my pick more?

STANFORD -7.5 california
I'm done picking against the Cardinal. Plus, the Stanford Tree is so much more entertaining than the Oski, which seems perpetually stuck in the 1950s. If it sounds like I'm repeatiny myself a lot from last week to this week, it's because I am. Plus, I have to prepare for my lecture.

TEXAS -27.5 kansas
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.

Oregon -6 ARIZONA
This video made this pick an easy one.

Thus concludes The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

It's Come to This: Gopher Radio Network Giving Away Radios So Someone Will Listen to Dave Lee

In what can only be labeled a sign of declining revenue due to sagging ratings, the Gopher Radio Network, a division of Learfield Sports, sent an e-mail to Gopher football season ticket holders Thursday, offering a free Live Sports Radio for Minnesota's final home game this Saturday against South Dakota State. Reports out of Plano, Texas, the home of Learfield Sports, indicate that the free radio offer is an attempt to woo back listeners to the Gopher Radio Network who have grown disillusioned since Dave Lee became the team's play-by-play voice in 2002.

"I'll be honest with you. I find Dave Lee as unlistenable as the next guy," Stan Koenigsfeld, Learfield Sports Executive Vice President for the Heartland Region, said. "But apparently he's the best play-by-play guy the people at the Gopher Radio Network can come up with. I must admit, it doesn't say much for the radio talent in the Twin Cities, but at least now, with this great offer from the folks at Live Sports Radio, people won't have to pay to listen to him during the game."

Ironically, over the past eight seasons, countless Minnesota football fans have uttered the words, "You couldn't pay me to listen to Dave Lee call Gopher football." Those fans have now been proven somewhat prophetic, thanks to this free radio offer.

The Live Sports Radios were previously available for purchase at home football games for $20 each. According to documents obtained by Mr. Heavyfoot, the Gopher Radio Network and Live Sports Radio pushed for this offer after discovering a ridiculous surplus of Minnesota-branded radios in a Mariucci Arena supply room.

"We don't really want to offer free radios to our season ticket holders, but our hands are tied on this one," a Gopher Radio Network staffer said on condition of anonymity as they were not authorized to speak to members of the media. "We have so damned many of these radios it's not even funny. But look at it this way. Here's your chance to listen to Dave Lee and those other two guys live and free from your seat at TCF Bank Stadium. Never mind that Dave Lee is the worst play-by-play guy in the history of sports. It's free! Never mind that listening to Dave Lee call the game, with NO DELAY mind you, may make it impossible for you to actually follow what's happening on the field. It's free! Did I mention it's free?"

Ratings for Gopher football on the radio have been declining ever since Lee took over the play-by-play duties from the legendary Ray Christensen, the voice of Golden Gopher football and men's basketball from 1951-2001. Lee may be perhaps best known for his complete and utter inability to describe what is happening on the field in crucial moments, from the infamous "Touchdown Ellerson!" call against Northwestern in 2003, to the thoroughly confusing botched punt call against Wisconsin in 2005, to the "...throw across the middle...It's caught!...The Gophers have it!...Touchdown Gophers!" call in describing the game-clinching 59-yard touchdown on a wild deflection from Nick Tow-Arnett to Duane Bennett in Minnesota's 42-34 win over Michigan State on Oct. 31, 2009.

The Gopher Radio Network did see a huge spike in ratings early in the second half of Minnesota's home-opening game against Air Force on Sept. 12, leading some to believe that radio listeners were willing to give Lee another shot. Unfortunately for Lee and Learfield Sports, that wasn't the case.

"Our ratings went through the roof during the Gophers' first offensive series in the second half against Air Force," the anonymous Gopher Radio Network staffer said. "We were ecstatic. We thought with the excitement of the new stadium and the new season, our fans listening to the game on the radio were giving us another chance to win them back. Turns out they were just tuning in to hear Ray Christensen again. After that series, our ratings went back down to where they've been since 2002. What does it say about our current radio situation that people would rather listen to an 82-year-old man than Dave Lee? Don't answer that."

In related news, reports out of Plano indicate that the executives at Learfield Sports are pushing the Gopher Radio Network management to dump Lee in favor of this guy:

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Smart Money Picks

The Professor's sabbatical continues this week, resulting in another edition of The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

MINNESOTA -15.5 South Dakota State
I don't want to do it, but I must pick the Gophers over a FCS team. Plus, the unintentional comedy provided by a Brewster-led team is enough reason to pull for the Maroon and Gold and another season of Brewster-ball. Plus-plus, everybody is saying Brewster doesn't have a signature win. This would qualify, wouldn't it? Oh, it wouldn't?

PENN STATE -25 Indiana
I trusted the Nittany Keisers against Ohio State and they failed to show up...at home. Where's the respect for the Hoosiers? Right here with The Professor's endorsement, that's where.

ILLINOIS -4.5 Northwestern
Speaking of respect, can someone explain this line to me? Illinois beats a pair of mediocre to bad teams in Michigan and Minnesota. Meanwhile, Northwestern pulls the upset of the year in the Big Ten. And Illinois is a 4.5 favorite? I don't get it.

WISCONSIN -8.5 Michigan
I really can't believe I'm doing this, but...you hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! I've always said it needs to be a special situation for me to pick Bucky. Well, this is it. Meeeechigan is flat-out bad and, sadly, Wisconsin is actually on its way to a 10-2 season. But now The Professor has a conundrum. Does he cheer with his heart and still pull for Michigan? Or does he cheer for Wisconsin to stay atop the Pick 'Em Corner Lock of the Week standings? For the record, I'll be cheering for the lock, not the Badgers...if that makes any sense.

Michigan State -2.5 PURDUE
I hemmed and hawed with this one, but in the end decided that Sparty would kick Purdue Pete's ass in a fight (as long as Pete wasn't allowed to use his sledgehammer) to the tune of three points or more.

NAVY -17 Delaware (Rotel Armed Services Game)
Anchors aweigh, my boy, anchors aweigh!

Nebraska -4.5 KANSAS
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.

OHIO STATE -16.5 Iowa
I know Iowa is decimated with injuries and I know Ohio State looked pretty darn good last week against Penn State, but I just can't see the still very formidable Hawkeye defense letting the Buckeyes pull away by 17 points or more.

CALIFORNIA -3 Arizona
Stay far, far away from this game...or any game in the muddled Pac-10 for that matter. I'm taking Arizona because Mark May on College Football Live just told me how much of a pleasant surprise they've been this season. I don't care much for Mark May, but I don't care much for this game either. Mark May, don't let me down.

USC -10.5 Stanford
I'm done picking against the Cardinal. Plus, the Stanford band is so much more entertaining than the USC band, which seems to know only two songs.

Alabama -12.5 MISSISSIPPI STATE (Butterball Roll Tide Turkey Game)
I take a week off from picking the Tide and I get screwed. Forgive me, Almighty Saban, for I have sinned. ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

GEORGIA -4 Auburn
[Analysis redacted.]

Miami (FL) -3 NORTH CAROLINA
Any time at Pick 'Em Corner that you have a chance to take Steve Stellar's favorite club (sorry, Towson), you do it.

OKLAHOMA ST. -4 Texas Tech
It's a game between a pair of teams that are nowhere near as good as they were last year. That being said, Texas Tech 2009 has fallen farther from their 2008 level than Oklahoma State 2009 has.

PITTSBURGH -7 Notre Dame
Tale of the tape time:
Mustache vs. Gut.....Advantage 'stache

Thus concludes The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 7 Smart Money Picks

The Professor is on sabbatical this week from providing full breakdowns. My sincerest apologies to all of The Professor's Pupils. Keep in mind these picks are being made under the influence of Grain Belt Premium.

Wisconsin -10.5 INDIANA
I thrive when picking the Hoosiers and can't handle picking the Badgers.

MICHIGAN STATE -20 Western Michigan
MSU isn't as bad as their loss to Minnesota last week makes it seem.

MICHIGAN -6 Purdue
No team that loses to Ron Zook is worthy of being picked the week after.

MINNESOTA -6.5 Illinois
No team that is coached by Ron Zook is worthy of being picked, regardless of last week's result.

IOWA -16.5 Northwestern
The blonde on the couch across from me likes the Wildcats.

MIAMI (FL) -13.5 Virginia (The Geller Game)
The Ron Zook Corellate also apples to Al Groh.

Kansas -2.5 KANSAS STATE
Good KU offense overcomes bad KU defense by 2.5 points or more.

NOTRE DAME -11 Navy (Rotel Aremed Services Game)
Anchors aweigh!

PENN STATE -3.5 Ohio State
Love the Nittany Keisers in this one.

ALABAMA -7.5 lsu (Butterball Roll Tide Turkey Game)
Two bad offenses means 7.5 points are just too much.

Oregon -6.5 STANFORD
Consider this The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, presented by National American University. Vegas is just trying to give money away here.

FLORIDA -35 Vanderbilt (The I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Big Spread Game)
Only because it's a whole lot more fun cheering against Florida than it it to cheer for them.

CINCINNATI -16.5 uconn
My Reno, NV insider likes the Huskies (I'm not kidding. I really have a Reno insider.)

Oklahoma -5 NEBRASKA
I saw some of that ISU-NU game. That's enough for me to pick the Sooners.

usc -10 ARIZONA STATE
Ever seen an angry Spartan?

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 6 Smart Money Picks

Why The Professor just picks games and doesn't actually throw money down is beyond me. Week in and week out (minus week 1), The Professor's Smart Money Picks just make money for his fans, The Professor's Pupils. The moola that I could have made during last season's Pick 'Em Corner championship run and this season's follow-up is mind-boggling. But, alas, The Professor is alll about his students and not about cashing in.

Speaking of cashing in, last week I announced that the lock of the week in under a new sponsor and will heretofore be referred to as "The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University." I'm sure the Pick 'Em Corner panel was just salivating at the chance to shoot down the new sponsorship with a Professor loss (especially after bucking the trend with a Georgia Tech lock), but it wasn't to be. In case anybody out there needs a reminder, The Professor is 5-0 on his locks.

The Professor has tooted his horn enough. It's time for The Professor's Smart Money Picks, East Coast Bias edition.

West Virginia -3 SOUTH FLORIDA
East Coast Bias Week opens with a thud with a game only the residents of Morganville and Tampa care about. As The Professor knows little about the Big East, I talked to easily the most famous Mountaineer alum of all time...Todd Sauerbrun. He told me that this game features teams going in different directions. West Virginia is still in the hunt to challenge Cincy and Pitt for the Big East title, while USF is basically giving up. Sauerbrun also told me that that Denver taxi driver had it coming when he assaulted him outside a restaurant.


Cincinnati -14.5 SYRACUSE
East Coast Bias Week continues, I guess. Sheesh. Someone needs to remind Pick 'Em Corner panelists Steve Stellar and The Cornerman that this show is only aired in Big Ten country (though not available in State College, Pa.). For reasons unknown, The Professor has been real high on Cincy this season and that's not about to stop now. In fact, you hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! This one makes me a little nervous as the Orange sports a quirky little offense, but the Bearcats are more than two TDs better than Syracuse, regardless of who plays QB. This pick was confrimed by Abe Bookman, Cincy alum and inventor of the Magic 8-Ball, when he said, "You may rely on it." Like the previous five Professor Locks of the Week, you too may rely on it.


NAVY -7 Temple
As part of the sponsorship agreement, The Professor's pick in the The Professor’s Service Academy Game of the Week, presented by Armed Forces Network will always be the service academy. We all know and love this. However, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel the need to let The Professor's Pupils know that I am 1-3-1 in the Service Academy Game of the Week. Consider yourself warned. Without further ado:

Anchors aweigh, my boy, anchors aweigh!


WISCONSIN -6.5 Purdue
The Pick 'Em Corner viewers can finally breathe a sigh of relief as East Coast Bias Week takes a short break and we hit our bread-and-butter with mediocre Big Ten games. Followers of The Professor know that it needs to be a special situation for me to pick the BADgers as my hate and loathing for Bucky is well documented. Special situation, this game is not. I talked to Wisconsin QB Scott Tolzien for this game and, boy, was he happy that someone was finally paying attention to him after getting snubbed for high five after high five two weeks ago in the loss to Ohio State. After giving me a high five, Tolzien told me that Wisconsin is a team divided between those who like Bielema and those who think he's a complete tool. Hmmm, sounds like how Gopher Nation feels about their esteemed leader. Anyway, Wisconsin should win this game based solely on playing at home, but Purdue is better coached and will find a way to keep this one close. High five.


IOWA -17.5 Indiana
Strange as it may seem, this is a tough one to pick. Straight up, it's a no-brainer. Take the Hawks. But 17.5 points is an awful lot to give a plucky Hoosier squad. Here's the thing: last week's Indiana loss to Northwestern is a game that will stick with the Hoosiers for some time. If Indiana were playing Minnesota this week, I'd give IU a chance for a bounce-back, but they're up against undefeated Iowa who is somehow fourth in the BCS standings. I don't know how the BCS works exactly, but blowing out teams like Indiana can't hurt. To confirm my pick, I talked to injured Hawkeye back Adam Robinson. He told me that losing him won't mean a thing as he's as anonymous as the next Iowa running back. Whether it's Robinson, Paki O'Meara or autoMATTic at tailback, Iowa cruises in this one.


BOSTON COLLEGE -4 Central Michigan
Did you enjoy our brief soiree into Big Ten country? I hope so, because East Coast Bias Week is back in full effect with this game. A plea to The Host: NEVER GIVE UP THE CHOOSING OF GAMES AGAIN TO CORNERMAN AND STEVE STELLAR!. Thank you. Now on to this game. I wasn't sure who to go with here, so I talked to sports media legend Dick Enberg, a CMU alum. He told me that he personally witnessed the fighting ability of the Chippewas when they fought with the British in the War of 1812. I thought Dick was falling into another bout with senility, but upon further research on Wikipedia, it appears Enberg actually is 207 years old, so he does know what he's talking about. What? You say I'm making a mockery of Pick 'Em Corner? No. I say, the mockery of Pick 'Em Corner was made when we were forced to pick games that involved all these irrelevant East Coast teams. So there.


Florida -16 Georgia (at Jacksonville)
It's the Underwhelming Bowl. You're probably asking how a game involving the No. 1 team in the nation, Tim Tebow, Uga MCMXII and a Cocktail Party can be considered underwhelming. I'll tell you how. The No. 1 team in the nation, Florida, is undefeated, yes, but has been underwhelming in how they got there. Tim Tebow is still The Chosen One, yes, but his performance has been underwhelming in his swan song in Gainesville. Georgia, meanwhile, has been underwhelming in pretty much every aspect of the game, to the tune of a 4-3 record. Uga MCMXII has not been underwhelming, so my apologies to him (her?). Anyway, this week is all about Florida. This is their chance to prove they belong on the top. This is Tebow's chance to distance himself in the Heisman race. Sixteen points is an awful lot in a rivalry game like this, but Florida has plum run out of excuses and will assert their dominance on a team they love to hate.


Miami -7 WAKE FOREST
Speaking of a team The Professor loves to hate, it's Miami. Still, I'm glad Steve Stellar finally gets to pick a game which features one of his squads. That's as much breakdown as you'll be getting out of me. I'm tired of East Coast Bias Week.


Michigan -8.5 ILLINOIS
As it appears that The Professor is now Pick 'Em Corner's marketing director, given all the sponsors I've procured, I've signed Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus to be the sponsor for this and all future games involving Illinois. This agreement will continue in perpetuity until Ron Zook is fired as head coach of the Illini. Until then, on with the clown show that is Illinois football. The reason for the sponsorship is simple: When gamblers bet against the Illini, they win. It's a proven fact. To wit: In the four Pick 'Em Corner games involving Illinois this season, gamblers who went with the Illini's opponent are 3-0-1. Do I really need to break this game down any further? No. I don't.


OHIO STATE -39.5 New Mexico State
Lightning round time. Ohio State seems back on track and I know nothing about the Wolfpack, but 39.5 points is a ton.


Penn State -13.5 NORTHWESTERN
I talked to Admiral Akbar for this game and he told me what he always tells me: "It's a trap!" Thanks, Admiral, but you haven't been relevant for a long, long time in a galaxy far, far away. Yes, I know this game for PSU is sandwiched between Michigan and Ohio State. And yes, I know Northwestern is feeling good about themselves after the comeback win over Indiana. But, c'mon. Northwestern has reached their "just hold on until we play Illinois and Wisconsin" stretch of games with back-to-back tilts against PSU and Iowa. The 'Cats are just praying to get through the next two games alive to give themselves a chance at the Pizza Pizza Bowl. The Nits, meanwhile, are firing on all cylinders. In fact, Penn State has allowed just 13 points in their last three games. If I didn't go out on a limb and pick Cincy for my lock, this would be it. Take the Fighting Keisers.


Michigan State -6 MINNESOTA
Wow does it suck to be a Gopher fan sometimes. I, of course, want the team to win every game and be relevant on the conference and national stage. Now, being a Gopher fan, I know this won't likely happen in my lifetime, save for a lightning in a bottle type of season. On the other hand, I want nothing more than to get rid of Tim Brewster. I have never NEVER been a fan of this snake oil salesman (that's old-timey for used car salesman). For that reason, I want the Gophers to lose the remainder of their games to become even more irrelevant on the conference and national stage. Sadly, this is far more likely to happen than the above scenario. On another hand, there are only a handful of coaches (Bielema, I'm looking at you) that provide the unintentional comedy that Brewster does week in and week out. What to do? Look at history, that's what. History has told me that Tim Brewster has never NEVER won a game in which he's supposed to win. This is one of those games. So I guess that means I'm cheering for the Goof Troop to lose the rest of their games. Unintentional comedy, I'll miss you (unless we hire John L. Smith).


Texas -9 OKLAHOMA STATE
The Professor is getting tired, so it's time for three lightning round games to wrap it up. OSU is missing too much and Texas is hitting its stride. Hook 'em Horns.


USC -3.5 OREGON
The Professor is a perfect 3-0 when picking the Ducks. The Professor is 0-1 when picking against the Ducks. The Professor is 1-2 when picking the Trojans. The Professor is 1-0 when picking against the Trojans. That all adds up to The Professor picking the Ducks and picking against the Trojans.


NOTRE DAME -30 Washington State
I thought for sure East Coast Bias Week was going to rear it's ugly head again and we'd be picking Rutgers-UConn or Georgetown-Old Dominion.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 5 Smart Money Picks

Kudos must go to The Host. After several "down" years, he's finally proving himself worthy of being the host of everyone's second-favorite sports-related show (just behind Hondo's House). Methinks it won't last, but let him enjoy it while it does.

Meanwhile, it's probably time to rethink the sponsorship of the Lock of the Week. While MasterLock has been a long-time supporter of Pick 'Em Corner, it's time for the weekly feature to pay homage to the lone panelist on the show to make his fans gobs and gobs of cash based solely on his performance on locks of the week. Other panelists will show you their gaudy overall record, but not many bettors out there aren't willing nor able to throw down money on every game in hopes of turning a profit. The Professor's Pupils (the official fan club of The Professor), meanwhile, just wait for their mentor's lock of the week and throw everything on that particular game. For this reason, the lock of the week will heretofore be referred to as "The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University."

On to this week's slate of games. Sit up class, open your notebooks and sharpen your pencils. It's time for The Professor's Smart Money Picks.

FAVORITE SPREAD UNDERDOG (Professor's picks in bold)
NORTHWESTERN -5.5 Indiana
We start off with a bowl game elimination contest because, let's face it, the loser of this game will fall to 4-4 and have little to no shot at getting to seven wins. But who cares? What you're all waiting to hear is who I talked to about this game. Well, it's time to make amends with everybody's favorite Big Ten Network analyst. No, not Charissa Thompson. Gerry DiNardo! Last week, I poked a little fun at the Nard Dog and according to BTN insider KCKCKCK, he was none too pleased. To make it up to Gerry, I gave him a chance to provide his breakdown of the NU-IU game. He told me the spead of 5.5 points is just a little too much for a game that features two very evenly-matched teams at nearly every position. He likes the Hoosiers to win, but I ignored that after reminding myself that DiNardo never won more than three games while in Bloomington. I, therefore, like the Wildcats to win in Evanston, but only by a field goal. Thanks Gerry and say hi to KCKCKCK for The Professor.

OHIO STATE -17 Minnesota
The Professor is breaking out the big guns this week. First, Gerry DiNardo and now this game's guest analyst, LeBron James. Why LeBron? Well, he's here to provide us with insight into embattled QB Terrelle "the Terrible" Pryor. LeBron told me that Pryor and the entire OSU program has gone into the "us against the world" mentality that the squad used prior to the USC game. The tactic almost worked against a powerful Trojan squad and if it can almost beat a top tier team like USC, it will certainly work wonders against the Brew Crew. LeBron also told me that if OSU doesn't win, he advised Pryor to just walk off the field without shaking anybody's hand and blow off all media responsibilities. Thanks, LeBron. Here's the thing. Minnesota is basically the epitome of mediocre. The offense is putrid, while the defense is decent. The coach is clueless, while the players actually have talent. Ohio State, meanwhile, has an offense waiting to break out, a top shelf defense and a proven winner as coach. That all adds up to a Buckeye win by at three TDs.

PITTSBURGH -6.5 South Florida
Larry Fitzgerald, Sr. gave me great analysis last week, so this week The Professor is turning to his son. When he's not doing IHOP commercials, Larry Jr. is a great football mind. Clearly, the football acumen started and finished with Junior. Sorry, Marcus. Junior told me that Pitt is the real deal this year and how can I argue with him after watching Dion Lewis run roughshod over Rutgers last week. That being said, Lewis was a one-man team last week and USF brings a standout D-line and crazy-fast athletes all over the field. Pittsburgh will win this game, but like the NU-IU tilt, these teams are too evenly matched for this spread.

Georgia Tech -5.5 VIRGINIA
You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The MasterLock Triple Strong Lock of the Week The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! All season long, I’ve been a Ramblin’ Wreck denier. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that the offense that Tech runs could be successful week in and week out. Well, to quote The Monkees, “Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer.” My fellow colleagues may point to Virginia’s undefeated record in the ACC this season, but who have they played? Nobody. They may point to the Cavalier defense as one that might be able to shut down the Jackets’ attack. But who have they shut down this season? Indiana? Puh-leeeeze. Sing it with me, Host. The Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech. A hell of an engineer…

PURDUE -10 Illinois
Just about all of us were caught blindsided by Purdue's resounding win over Ohio State last week, The Professor included. We all stopped believing that Purdue was the best 1-5 team in the nation and were dumbfounded when they walked all over the Bucks. Now, some of the experts will say that after last week, the upset alert is on the Boilers as a talented, albeit underachieving Illinois squad comes to town. They’ll say that the hangover from the OSU win may be enough for the Illini to get back on track. But I talked to Lee Corso this week and he said, “Not so fast, my friends.” That’s right, Lee. What all these so-called experts (© Sid Hartman) are forgetting is that this Illinois team, although talented, is a joke and it starts at the top. The Ron Zook Farewell Tour hits West Lafayette this week and if the Illini faithful are lucky, the Purdue locomotive will foreshadow the railroading that Zook and his clownshow will get at the end of the season. Boiler Up!

NAVY -3 Wake Forest
Just like the Lock of the Week, The Professor has procured a new sponsorship for the weekly game involving a service academy. From now on, this game will be referred to as “The Professor’s Service Academy Game of the Week, presented by Armed Forces Network.” As part of the agreement with AFN, I’m required to pick the service academy, regardless of the matchup and spread, as well as sing the school’s song. Sounds like what I was doing already, so without further ado:

Anchors aweigh, my boy, anchors aweigh!

Penn State -4.5 MICHIGAN
The Professor turned to Cornerman confidant LFK this week once again. She told me that she just donated next month’s mortgage payment to the Paterno Library after reading about JoePa in Sports Illustrated, much to Cornerman’s dismay. Admittedly, LFK is nuts, but she also gave me a good analysis about this game. She told me this tilt is all about matchups. Here’s her rundown:

PSU offense vs. MICH defense……………….advantage PUSH
MICH offense vs. PSU defense……………….advantage PSU
Quarterback play………………………………advantage PUSH
Running back play…………………………….advantage PSU
Intangibles…………………………………….advantage MICH
Coach’s morals………………………………..advantage PSU

The Professor knows math and that all adds up to a Penn State win by five or more. Cue Nittany Lion roar (as performed by LFK) here.

Oklahoma -7.5 KANSAS
Intriguing game in the Big 12 this week with storylines centering around the fall of Sam Bradford. This is a turning point game for both squads with OU seeing its season slipping away and KU ready to emerge on the national stage. It’s really difficult to pick against the pedigree of the Sooners in this one, but there’s too much negativity surrounding the OU program right now to ignore. Bradford is done, the loss to Texas is going to sting for awhile and Kansas brings an entirely different look than the Longhorns. The Professor smells an upset a brewin’.

Oregon -10 WASHINGTON
Love the environs at Husky stadium with the tailgating on the lake and such. That’s all The Professor loves about Washington in this game. Is this a trap game or am I just missing something? Is Jake Locker really that good to overcome the Huskies’ woeful defense? UW lost to a pedestrian Arizona State team last week and now we’re supposed to expect them to hang with the Ducks? I just don’t get it. in the words of Admiral Akbar, “It’s a trap!”, but It still feels like Vegas is trying to give you money here, so go with the Tigers.

ALABAMA -14 Tennessee
In The Professor’s book (due out in November from the University of Minnesota Press), Alabama is the best damn team in all the land. The Tide defense is somewhere between unstoppable force and immovable object. Meanwhile, Tennessee just got their big win of the season. Lane Kiffin has been strutting around Knoxville, thinking he’s got the Vols back where they belong, but it’s clear he’s just another coach with a hot wife. Nick Saban, though hate-able in his own way, may be the best coach in the nation with an average-looking wife. When it comes right down to it, great coach with mediocre wife always beats so-so coach with hot wife by two TDs or more.

MICHIGAN STATE -1 Iowa
Whenever The Professor doesn’t know what to do with an Iowa game, he talks to one of two former Hawkeye coaches – Dr. Tom Davis or Hayden Fry. Well, this week, I talked to them both. How’s that for a hard-hitting week of guest analysts? Both Davis and Fry are as confused as the rest of the nation at the Hawkeyes’ performance this season, but they both chalked that up to senility. They’re mystified by the play of Ricky Stanzi, perplexed by the success of the no-name running backs, baffled by the defense’s ability to create turnovers and flummoxed by e-mail, Facebook and the interwebs. Well, join the club, guys (except for the last part). All that being said, why bet against Iowa now? In fact, why aren’t they favored? What gives? Take the Hawkeyes and remain as dazed and confused as Davis and Fry.

Texas Christian -2.5 BYU
Lightning round time. Never trust a coach with the first name Bronko.

LSU -7.5 Auburn
Stay far, far away from this game. LSU isn’t as good as the experts once thought and Auburn is a mystery wrapped in a riddle, enshrouded by an enigma. Both the LSU offense and Auburn defense rank in the “meh” category. Meanwhile, the LSU defense is good, while the Auburn offense is streaky. All this adds up to absolutely nothing, so I’ll just side with the bookmakers in Vegas. I beg of you, save your money and throw it on The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University.

USC -20.5 Oregon State
Revenge is always worth three touchdowns or more. Need I say more? Ok, revenge is a dish best served cold and a chilly reception awaits the Beavers in Troy this week. Like Stanford and Oregon last season, and Washington next season, Oregon State is going to take a whipping at the hands of the Trojans this week. What do I mean? OK, in 2007, the Cardinal and Ducks beat USC. In 2008, USC trounced the Cardinal and Ducks, only to lose a shocker to Oregon State. In 2009, USC lost a shocker to Washington, but will trounce Oregon State to atone for 2008. In 2010, Washington gets trounced and another team (I’ll take UCLA) pulls the upset. The Professor has foreseen it.

Boise State -24.5 HAWAII
Meh. This game was interesting two years ago. Today? Not so much.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.